Senbazuru for Hudson

1000 paper cranes in hope of a healthy baby.

Pregnancy is a wonderful thing! But not always. Pregnancy, even when dearly wanted, can be traumatic, stressful and emotionally and physically damaging. Looking back, the only way I can describe my experience is by qualifying it of hell. 9 months in hell. It's a harsh thing to say and I truly wished I had some good memories about it, but the fact is that there was nothing to enjoy. The process was painful and leaves me with a bitter taste. Off course, if I had to redo it, I would. The end result, no matter how painful the journey is, is worth it.

I started bleeding at 5 weeks. I was told it was a possible MC. I went back at 7 weeks for an ultrasound and there it was a tiny healthy heart beat! But I kept on bleeding. I was diagnose with a large SCH that did not resolve until 20 weeks. So I bled and bled. I had to return to the ER, 4 times. Each time thinking it was an MC once more. But the heart beat remained strong. By 26 weeks, the morning sickness finally went away. A light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I could finally enjoy myself, but no one had prepared me to other side effect of pregnancy. At 32 weeks I lost the feelings in my right fingers. My vision started getting blurry in my right eye. At 34 weeks, I would get shooting pain in my back and hips when ever I tried to lay down. At 38 weeks, the baby moved to a transverse position. At 39 weeks, I was told of the risk of a cord accident if my water was to break... baby still transverse, flat pelvis and no progress at all. So we opted for a c-section. Many people would tell me you could still have tried for a vaginal birth and they are probably right, but after loosing our first baby, after going back to the ER 4 times thinking we were going to loose this one, you don't risk a cord accident so close to the finish line. For the last week of my pregnancy, I would lay all night unable to sleep in fear that my water might break. So for my sanity and for the baby's sake I was not going to get my very much wanted vaginal birth.

The first 1000 paper cranes.

But let's go back in time! After my first miscarriage, unable to come to term with it, I frantically started folding paper cranes. Keeping my hands busy, kept my mind busy. Slowly I started to feel better. I started folding the birds in mid-October and was done shortly before Christmas. This was my own way of honoring our angel baby.

Ayumi's 1000 paper cranes for Hudson

In February, as I learned of my second pregnancy, I kept the details secret from everyone. But one day in early March as I was on Skype with my Japanese  friend, she bluntly asked me if I was pregnant yet. I was very surprise by such a direct question. I could not get myself to lie and said that yes indeed I was. But that I preferred to keep it a secret. She asked me how many weeks I was, I said 7 weeks. She then went on to tell me how she had 2 months ago, just finished folding 1000 paper cranes in hope that I would be pregnant again! She had folded her last paper crane exactly 1 week before my conception date!     

That same evening, I took my origami out and started folding another 1000 paper cranes in hope of a healthy baby. I was 7 weeks and on bedrest. The doctors were telling me to expect a MC. I kept on folding my little piece of paper. At around 30 weeks, my husband started helping me. At 36 weeks we were done. They are now hanging, with Ayumi's birds, in the nursery. 3000 paper cranes of hope. 3000 paper cranes for our child.

Hudson has now been with us for a week. On October 24th, my husband and I drove to the hospital, we checked in, filled papers after papers. I had some blood test done and then walked myself to the OR. I sat on the bed in the middle of the brightly light room filled with nurses and doctors getting ready to deliver a baby. I sat there dumbstruck, thinking, is this really how baby are delivered. The anesthesiologist arrived. We chatted for a while, casual small talk... I keep thinking, this is weird, am I really going to deliver a baby? It looked nothing like what you see in movies, on tvs... My Ob arrived, he made a few jokes. I laid on the bed, incapable of moving my lower limb. My husband was let in the room and stood by my side. We were both quiet. I don't know what he was thinking about. As for me, I could feel the tugging and the pulling. I was listening to the sound my body was making. I couldn't feel anything. Was I really delivering a baby. The OB said, wow, she really was in trouble. It's a good thing the c-section was pushed ahead, she might not have make it to Thursday... I was staring in my husband's eyes. Then we saw a baby. They were washing her, padding her. She was not crying but she was moving. For a second, I wasn't sure who's baby that was? Mine? She was about 2-3 meters from us, we could see her well. The doctors were talking but we weren't listening. I said "look she's got your nose?". My husband said "yes, she does". He said "I can't cut the cord." The Ob call him to come and cut the cord, and he did. He came to stand next to me. They brought the baby over. She was beautiful. We got to spend a few minutes with her. Then my husband left with the baby and they started to stitch me up. I was in recovery for just under 45 minutes and then they brought me to my room. My husband was there waiting for me with our baby. The c-section was, after all not a big deal. 8 hours after the surgery I was standing, and resumed walking the next morning. Yesterday they removed my stitches and there is no scar to be seen (understitch). As of last night, I also was able to stop the painkillers. It's funny how fast you can fall in love with someone. It's funny how fast you can forget the last 9 months in hell. Hudson made it all worth it.

As I type this, she is peacefully sleeping on my laps. I wish we could just sit like this forever. She keeps us up awake for most of the night, but I just love these moments we get to share together.

       

October is pumpkin time!

34 weeks pregnant, defending my thesis on campus!

October is pumpkin time! Yes indeed! Halloween is fast approaching. The houses in my neighborhood are slowly putting up their spooky decorations. Outside the air is getting colder and the trees are shimmering in all the variation of red, orange and yellow. A month ago I defended my master thesis! 

It went great and I am now officially done. Out of school and no work, you might wonder what exactly I am doing? Well after miscarrying just over a year ago, I am now 39 weeks pregnant with a girl! This pregnancy was everything but pleasant. Complications after complications, morning sickness until 26 weeks... but now we are getting ready to welcome our baby girl before the end of this month!!

This will bring many new challenges, more occasions to cook, different ways to travel and hopefully many wonderful afternoon of crafting together. As a matter of fact, I should say, during this pregnancy (since I was on bedrest for about 9 weeks) I learned to crochet! I am now addicted to the web site Ravelry for all its wonderful patterns!

I still have to up-date my blog, fix a few of the broken pictures and finish transferring the Japan 2009 trip post from my old blog. I will try to get as much done as possible in the next few days! Until then, wish me luck, my life is about to change!!!

It's been a while!!!

The last few months have been full of surprises. Some good, some bad and some just plain horrible. Let's go back in time will you. Back in March I started my first day of march break with the horrible news of the Earthquake-Tsunami in Japan. Took me a good 16 hours to reach my friends in the affected area. Everyone is safe, although some have lost their home. I was glued for the week, to my computer, watching the Live Fuji-terebi broadcast. During that week, my sister and I were quick coming up with a fundraiser idea! At her college in Sudbury, she sold origami paper cranes. She raised 500$ for the red cross. At my school, with the help of the grade 5 students, we made onigiri (4 different flavors) and sold them to the rest of the school. The student built a festival like food-stand, got dress in yukata and played japanese music to set the mood. Although no-one had ever heard of onigiri, the students (from kindergarden to grade 6) were pleasantly surprise!! The sake furikake flavor was a hit! In all, we raise 460$ for the red cross. But more importantly, the students had the opportunity to discover japanese culture! The double disaster also motivated the grade 2 class in finishing their 1000 paper cranes. In June, they will be mailing them to Hiroshima.

Although we are a small community in rural Ontario, I was so happy to see how willing to help people of the community were. At my husband's school, kids raised over 1000$ for the relief effort and again last week had a *wear red and white* day to remind people that Japan is still struggling.

In other news, at the end of the month of March I finished my contract. I was sad to leave the kids behind, but glad to have more free time to finishing writing my thesis which I am suppose to defend in August. I just need my intro and conclusion and then it's editing time. 160 pages in all. Wish me luck! And for those who wonder, the subject is (this is a rough English translation since my thesis is in french) cultural and aesthetic hybridity in Ook Chung's novels and short stories : the influence of Japanese and Korean culture.

Then came April. Oh boy! Did it rain. Outside and inside. I ran into some health issues... Then there was the emotional roller coaster of getting to my pregnancy due date (I miscarried back in October). We were on the road a lot, for basketball tournaments. (My husband is an assistant coach). My sister moved back in with us for a few weeks. Overall April felt like a stop and go type of month with endless car ride and lot's of waiting. Did I have the time to cook? Not one chance! We were barely ever home.

Now May and June should be fairly exciting! My sister is moving into her new apartment this weekend. Then in two weeks, my sister in law is coming from Vancouver to visit. And if everything goes according to plan, in June I will be welcoming my Japanese friend and her parents. They decided to take a holiday from all the after shocks. This is very exciting since my friend's mom is the best cook I have ever met! I am hoping to learn a few recipes from her!

As for me, I will take this month to finish writing my thesis, to finish transferring my old blog to this blog. And also finish posting about last year's trip to Japan. In the main while, check out this fabulous rice-cooker give away!!! For those who know me, I always brag about my Zojirushi rice-cooker!! Yes the one that cooked over 50 cups of rice for the onigiri fundraiser ;-) Here is your chance to win your own!!! Even better, this is the new model with the Umami setting! Check it out right here. The contest is open until May 12, 2011.               

Where I've been and what I've seen

I have always loved traveling. As a child, if you asked me what type of man I wanted to marry, I would answer you: a tourist! As I grew up in a very touristic town, I was quick to notice that tourists always looked happy and always seemed to enjoy themselves. That was the type of life I wanted to live. As a matter of fact, I wanted to be an explorer so I could spend my whole life traveling. Although I cannot call myself an explorer, here is a quick list of places I've been.

Canada (Prince-Edouard Island, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Quebec, Ontario, British Columbia)

USA (All the East Coast states, Michigan, Ohio, Illinois, Wisconsin, California, Indiana, Kentucky, Key West, Nevada, Arizona)

Mexico, Bahamas, Jamaica, St-Marteen, St-Thomas, Grand Caymans.

France, Germany (West Germany during communist era), Denmark, Sweden, Italy, Greece, Belgium, Luxembourg, Vatican City, Switzerland.

Japan, Philippines.

There are also a few places I am dying to visit such as:

Alaska, Peru (Machu Pichu), China, Korea, Malaysia, Tanzania (Kilimanjaro), Tibet, Finland, Russia, Hawaii and Egypt to name a few!

I would also love to cross the Atlantic on a cruise, cross the Siberian plain on a train and visit Baffin Island and the Gobi desert. Last but not least, I hope one day to visit Churchill, Manitoba and take part in a Polar Bear safari.

Through-out this blog, I hope to share some of my travel experience, with a special attention to food and crafts.  You can browse all my post under 3 mains categories: On the road, On my table, In my suitcases.