The true measure of success!

Being successful has always been really important to me! In my everyday life, in everything I do! I pride myself in the work I undertake, in the lifestyle I have and in the friends and family I surround myself with. As you probably know, I am dedicated to my studies while directing an household of four. For the most part, I feel very successful in both my family and work life! But I must admit that over the years, the way I measure success has greatly changed.

Sure!

An academic publication = success

Sure!

A conference well done = success

Sure!

A clean, well kept house = success

BUT

Success also equals = surviving another day with a toddler and an infant

Success also equals = a trip to the grocery with two kids

Success also equals = any outing without a tantrum

Success also equals = having both kids in bed withing 3 hours

and....

Success also equals = everything else that comes with kids that you never thought would ever be part of your life again such as

The big 6!

Phénix is 6 months! Hudson is 29 months! We had a rough month... but right now they are both sitting on the floor together and playing with gears! This is one of Hudson's favorite toy right now! And Phénix likes to chew on a gear while watching his sister play. "playing together" just started in the last few days. Hudson seem a little happier that her brother is finally "doing something" and Phénix just LOVES his sister. Being with her always makes him laugh and smile! Phénix can sit on his own, can roll around and has started to "try" scouting on his bum. Right now he doesn't make it really far but I can see him being successful soon. As for crawling... I don't think it will happen for a while longer. He much prefers sitting to being on his tummy.

We also started EC with Phénix. We started a bit later than we did with Hudson for two reason. Hudson could sit up unassisted a lot earlier (3 months), and the weather is so cold, I find it hard to have diaper free time. (Granted I could raise the thermostat on the house....) So we started about a month ago, and so far he is doing great! He goes twice a day and is pretty consistent. When the good weather will arrive (yes we are still sitting at -17 today...) we will be more proactive about it.

So I said we had a rough month... and we sure did. After a few days of very high fever, Hudson ended up in the hospital. Turned out she had the flu. (No one has had the flu in this house ever!) She did very well, and although she was very weak and sick, she kept on nursing! It was actually horrible for me as she wanted to nurse 24/7... but in the end, it kept her hydrated and well enough to fight without needing any IV.

As I kept nursing both, Phénix did not catch it either. He was swabbed for precaution a few days later and it was negative. That was such a relief! None of us got it either. The doctors were a little baffled ;-) During her sick days, I allowed Hudson to watch a little bit of TV on my tablet! She discovered the Bubble Guppies and really like it. Now that she is better, she ask me to watch it... I might allowed her too a little bit everyday. Otherwise, she took a liking for writing and can now write her name (although the "s" and the "n" are not quite looking like "s" or "n" yet). She also likes "reading" and started recognizing basic sight words. Right now she likes words with "m". The rest of the time, she is your typical 2 years old who likes to say "NO!", "What's that" and "WHY!"........ it gets draining.... especially when you ask her to stop and she then switches to the other language and restarts all over "NON!", "Qu'est-ce que tu fais", "Pourquoi!"....

So March was pretty much spent taking care of a sick toddler while finishing my semester! As for Phénix... as healthy as he is... he is teething.... and teething.... and teething... and just like it was for his older sister... nothing is coming out... it is taking for ever...... so I am a little bit short on sleep right now. But it's ok... who needs sleep anyway ;-)

 

Mudroom DIY Part 1

When we bought the house, 7 years ago... we actually purchased a very different model... Then there were some issues with the permits and ended up moving to a different neighborhood, on a different lot, in a different model. The neighborhood was much better and the lot nicer and bigger (for the same price). The house was also bigger.... but the layout was not what we wanted. 

However, in the end, we thought with a little bit of work here and there, we could make it work. One of the biggest pet peeve about this house, was all the wasted square footage in the entrance room.... It it huge but has a bad layout. We knew, we wanted to turn the space into a nice functional mudroom, and with two kids it became apparent that we needed it NOW! So after browsing Pinterest a whole lot... we came up with our own little design... 

We started off by building two benches for the opposing walls. The goal was to have 5 lockers space (2 adults, 3 kids....) We used MDF and trimmed it with Pine. We used THIS tutorial but with our own measurements. Then we painted the whole thing white. At first the whole unit was going to be white... but then we found some beautiful Pine on sale and decided to do a mix white and stained pine....

 

We up-cycled some baskets to store the hats and mittens. And I made cushions with fabric from our local fabric store. 

 

We installed wood paneling on both side (because I love the wood paneling style... although I wanted to paint it white, my husband convinced me to let the beauty of the natural wood peek out from a light stain)

And built a custom overhead cabinet... and there is where I will stop the preview! We still have lots of work to do... like staining, trimming, cleaning and staging... so make sure to come back in a few weeks to see the final product! (You can't see it on the picture but the seat's edges have been routed into a nice trim. I will have close up pictures of that too)

 

Colic? Purple Crying? NOPE... blame the fleece

A few days after turning 2 months, our son started crying every night at the same time... for more or less an hour (sometimes longer...) Hudson never did this! I knew he was not overtired... him being such a good sleeper... Yet every night at around 7:30, he would start hysterically screaming... no matter what we did... he would not stop... we nursed, we rocked, we walked, we sang, we flashed lights, used sound machine, sushed him, brought him on car ride... you name it... there would be the odd day where we would have no "colic" but otherwise it was very steady and heart wrenching... (no mother likes to see their baby cry like that). We talked about it with friend, with doctor.... and well... we were told : "Just your classic case of colic" We were even told to be thankful he didn't scream any longer than an hour... So we went with the flow... and every night got ready for his "colic"... Knowing one day it would end!

Then he turned 5 months... and as quickly as the colic came, the colic stopped... for 6 nights that is... Then last night it came back!!!! We were devastated! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! What did we do differently! Why stop for 6 days and then go right back at it! Then it hit me! I quickly removed his PJ and layer him down on the cold cotton bed sheet. He stopped right away! And went back to his happy self!

I had my answer right then! The fleece PJ! When he was around 2 months, the weather cold colder and we started using fleece PJ at night.... then 6 days ago, I notice he had eczema (which got confirmed by the doctor), so I stopped using fleece PJ (I myself have eczema and can hardly touch fleece)... But I had never done the math... it should have been obvious... PJ fleece + dry sensitive skin = lot's of pain!!!! 

I think that some of the reasons I never really made the connection was 1. Hudson does not have eczema; 2. His eczema only became visible 2 weeks ago and 3. I was blinded by "it's just a colicky baby... it will pass".

I feel horrible about it... and can't help but wonder how many colicky baby actually have a "real reason to cry" that goes undetected... 

So no more fleece anything for Phénix and just bought some raw shea butter... time to make some serious anti-eczema cream ;-)

Metal sheet board, DIY

As we start arranging things around the house (as we transform our house, from a two adults household, to a many kids paradise), my husband and I are relying more and more on Pinterest to solve some simple problems, to get some design ideas and to get inspire!

Lately, it had become obvious that we needed to give Hudson a surface where she could doodle all day. We debated for a while if we were going to get her a whiteboard or a blackboard... we liked the idea of a dust free white board, but we previously had a horrible experience with the DIY whiteboard paint... the biggest waste of money, it never worked and left us with a wall to strip and repaint... so we opted for black board (we also thought it would look better anyway and we bought dustless chalk).

We thought the best place to do it was on our dividing wall in the kitchen, this way Hudson can be entertained, and mommy can cook dinner. On that wall, we already had a cork board and a white board but never liked the overall look... so Pinterest here we came... 

We decided to purchase a metal sheet and use it as a magnetic/white board! Yes, you can use metal just like a white board! Technically we could even have painted it with the chalk paint to make a magnetic chalk board, but that was not our plan ;-)

So here it is! We bought a 45X45 inches metal sheet (26 gauge) for 20$ (they custom cut it to the size and shape we wanted), painted the bottom wall with chalk paint (11$) and framed the whole project with white trim (15$) And voila!

We painted the chalk paint directly on the wall, and stud screwed the metal sheet. We then installed a trim matching the door frame trim. Last we painted the trim white! and Done!

 

The dreaded 4 months sleep regression! Phénix is finally 5 months!

Oh the o-so-dreaded-4-months-sleep-regression! Try it! Type sleep regression on google and see what comes up! Pages after pages of mothers on the verge of exhaustion wondering what on earth is wrong with their baby who used to be such a good sleeper!!! Then follows as many post promoting the wonder of sleep training, from Ferber to Cry-it-out, from how to extend nap to teach your baby to self sooth...

Well, all you complaining people... I laugh at thee. Yes! Oh oh... I guess some of you are upset now. See the truth is... I have no pity... no empathy either... Do you know how much I wanted to live through a sleep regression with Hudson! Yes! I was begging for one! Because a sleep regression meant that at one point, she had been a good sleeper... it meant that at one point she had probably slept for more than an hour... Today Hudson is 28 months... and I can honestly say... we NEVER had a sleep regression with her... where could it possibly have regressed too... she did not sleep anyway! Off course, now she is a better sleeper, and will sometimes sleep through the night, like once last week! And then there are night where she is up on the hour... very inconsistent... well.. off course I am exhausted... but I also swore I would never complain if one of my kid happened to be a good sleeper and suddenly went through a sleep regression. 

And well Phénix turned 4 months, had a stomach bug, a stuffed nose, he's teething... and well you guessed it... he has not really sleep all month... except in someone's arm, while standing and walking back and fourth. That sucks... sure... I am exhausted... and yes... I am already back to work... But a masochistic part of me is so happy we are going through this sleep regression! Yes! For two reasons! First because, I know when all is said and done, he will start sleeping through the night again (and probably sooner than later) and two, because prior to this sleep regression I was able to get some rest... 3 months of decent nights have left me with some energy to make up for this month's short coming

Off course, I don't wish a sleep regression to anyone, but I am a bitter mom, and with Hudson in our life, I have learned to value my sleep. So, if your baby is currently going through a sleep regression, just be thankful that at some point, you were able to get him to sleep... and hang on to the fact that in a few weeks, it will all be over! And if by any chance you are the mom to a kid, who just like Hudson "needs not to sleep"... Just hang on... one day, they shall be a teenager! 

So Phénix is 5 months today! Hudson is 28 months... guess which one sleeps better. 

And then there are days like this.... Notice anything on the picture? We waited for over an hour... in line... so she could go mushing... 

When her turn finally came, she was fast asleep... no matter how hard we tried, we could not wake her up... so mushing she went... and sleeping she did.... and has no recollection of her ballad on the frozen lake...

The not so pretty, the bad and the ugly... momma PHD

 

I took this picture yesterday morning, as I was trying to get ready to go to work. And by work, I mean go to my University to get some work done on my thesis proposal.

My daughter was clearly not happy...

I said to her : "Smile for mommy" and this is the evil look she gave me.

I was trying to get her ready to go to her school... She loves it there... but she doesn't like how rushed we are in the morning... 

How mommy has to get ready... get Phénix ready... get her ready.... 

It is hard not to feel guilty. But when it happens, I try to remember that I am lucky enough to be home with my kids, 5 days a week. I didn't have to go back to work after a six weeks maternity leave... 

Phénix will probably never remember I left him at home 8 hours a day twice a week...

Yet, I feel guilty. I feel torn. One part of me wants to stay home with my kids while they are little... we all know how fast they grow... But part of me also wants that PHD... more than anything...

And in those moments... when the guilt takes over... when I realized I spend more time in front of the computer than with my kids, that Phénix only ate 2 oz all day when I was gone, that my house looks like a hurricane went through...

I take a moment... I close my eyes... and I remember why I do this!

When my eyes are closed, I can see myself... in my black graduation gown... crossing the stage, while holding Hudson and Phénix's hands, to receive my diploma! 

This is the image I am holding on. The only one worth this chaotic life. Not an image of "me" gradating. Not and image of "me" with my happy family. But instead, the combined image of me graduating with my family! 

One or the other could not make me happy.

If I had one but not the other, I would not feel happiness, I would not feel successful..

I need one and the other to define me...

But more importantly: I have to keep my eyes on the price!

Today, Phénix is 4 months! Compared to his sister, he is a big boy! Some days, I find, he never was little. Growing too fast... way too fast... This week, twice, he sat up by himself! He also started swimming lessons and let me tell you, he is a natural! Last week, he grabbed a toy for the first time! I am telling you... he is growing way too fast.

Today, his big sister is 28 months... and she rocks my world. I love how stubborn she is. I love how much self-confidence she has. But what I LOVE most about her, is how caring she is. She makes me proud in so many ways! If only she could consistently sleep through the night... alas... it is still a fierce battle to get her to bed.... But I am sure... one day... I will miss it ;-)

  

What 2013 has taught me

Well, this has been a really busy Holiday season! I did not have time for a few posts I had planned. On Christmas eve my little man turned 3 months old! He is doing great and he is a great sleeper, on most nights, he sleeps through the night... on the other hand... his sister is still not sleeping much...

Last night we rang in the New Year, in our warm comfy bed, after a great day sliding and visiting friends. I made my New Year Resolution (drink more water) and tackled the 2014.

For a while I was tempted in writing a year in review post, but decided instead to write a "What has 2013 taught me" post instead... so without further delay... here it is! 

(In no particular order)

-You don't know how easy it is to have 1 kid until you have a second one!

-Tandem nursing sucks! (but we are still going strong)

-When your legs are hairier than the cat's, it is time to shave them!

-Never send your husband by himself  for a hair cut!

-Leaving your kid for the first time at school/daycare is heart wrenching!

-A chiro is your best friend during pregnancy!

-It is amazing how quickly a gastro enteritis can spread!

-When you have kids in school/daycare you encounter illnesses you have never heard off before! (Hand, mouth and foot disease for us).

-Some babies are just naturally good sleeper (parents should stop taking the credit)

-Some babies are just naturally horrible sleeper (no your parenting skills don't suck)

-A VBAC is amazing!

-You don't realize how horrible the recovery of a c-section is until (unless) you've had a natural birth!

- Even a third degree tear and horrible hemorrhoids is still more enjoyable to recover from than a c-section!

-Using all natural, home made cleaner is the best, especially when your toddler decides to use it to wash her little brother! (no harm done, it was vinegar and orange peel)

-In DIY renovation, the final cost never matches the estimate your husband gave you!

-Having one of each is expensive!

-Having one of each is fun!

-Phénix is a very common name.... on our street... 

-Santa exists!

-Papa has no money (No money papa)

-No matter how many toys your kid gets on Christmas eve, you will find them playing with some empty bottles and old tennis ball on Christmas morning!

-Even if it is sunny in the forecast, as soon as your tent is set up, it will rain.
-You can live with 3 hours a sleep a night!
-You can survive on 3 hours of sleep a week!
-2 kids + PHD studies = a very ambitious mother of two who is constantly nearing a burn out!
-Give scissor to your toddler and she shall cut! (including the table cloth)
-Some toddlers have a fascination for everything sharp! 

-I am lucky to have the people I have in my life!

DIY advent calendar

For the first time ever, we will be receiving for Christmas! This meant, I had no choice... I had to decorate and put up a Christmas tree! After selecting a color palette, off I went shopping for ornaments (and made a few thanks to pinterest!). Next was to figure out a reusable advent calendar for the kids. I wanted something I would be able to reuse, fill myself and would match our Christmas decor. It had to be big, bold and exciting. I browsed pinterest and found many great ideas. In the end, I came up with my own design! And here it is! 

 

Basically, I bought fabric in 4 colors, sewed 12 bags (about the size of a sandwich ziploc), I stenciled the number on the fabric with some glitter paint. I filled the bags with goodies and tied it with a little piece of shinny twine. I then covered my staircase railing with Dollorama Christmas garland and I used cloth pins shaped like birds (got them last years at homesense) to hang the bags.

I decided to make the bag big enough so that I could put multiple item in each (this way, all the kids will share the same advent calendars). I also decided to only make 12 bags, for the 12 days of Christmas... instead of 25. This way, I could buy better items.... hence less junk.... and not have to spend too much money.

The bags mostly contain useful items, craft material or even some fun activity... (example, in one bag a little card says, let's go to the pool! In another one, there is a pouch of hot chocolate and a memo that says, let's go play in the snow!)

The breakdown of the cost was as follow:

-Dollorama garland 4 $

-Fabric + twine 11$

-Cloth pins 7$

-Paint 1$

Growing pain

How convenient that both Hudson and Phénix have their birthday on the 24th! So one is 25 months today and the other is 2 months old! The month has been pretty uneventful and that is a good thing... we battled Hand, foot and mouth decease... both kids had their run with it. Phénix had multiple cluster feeding sessions, with one lasting 10 hours... but other than that we are all doing well! Hudson is discovering the joy of Christmas and LOVES helping mom wrapping gift. She is in charge of the scotch tape. She has also become a pro cutter! We got her a pair of scissor and she has now master the art of cutting on a line... next step when she is a bit better, will be to teach her how to cut fabric. She can't wait to be sewing with mommy! And mommy can't wait to share her sewing room with Hudson. Hudson is already really good at handling the pins and assorting fabric for different project! Together we were able to sew 13 pair of PJ pants in the months of November! She also helped with her Christmas dress. I am so happy she loves sewing. I can totally see this becoming our Mommy-daughter activity.

 

As for Phénix, he is growing like a champ! He is gainning on average 1 lbs a week since birth. He is exclusively breastfed off course. He sleeps well most of the time, he likes to hang out with mommy when she works on her thesis, and with daddy when he watches his TV show. He is a very strong baby. He has been able to roll from back to tummy for a few weeks now, he holds his head at all time and he started pushing on his leg and arms to get on a crawling position... (although he doesn't quite acheive it yet). He is also showing great core strenght as he is starting to be able to sit on his own. Just like his sister was, he is a very strong baby.

 

Both Kids are getting along very well. I am so happy and releived about this. I was so scared Hudson would not accept her little brother. But I guess it was love at first sight! She takes such good care of him, it is heart warming to see them together.

 

I am still tandem nursing... ahhhhhhhhhh... I really hadn't plan on it. I mean, I am not too found of it. Not that it is hard or time consumming, as a matter of fact, I think tandem nursing kind of save me at first! Hudson was able to pump up a great supply, I now have over 80 oz stash for when I go back to work... Hudson is great at sharing, she always let Phenix eat first... but the only problem is that... Hudson went from nursing 2 times a day to wanting to nurse every time Phénix eats!!! Most of the time I tell her no (I really dont have enough milk to do that lol) but then I have to deal with a very sad toddler (or sometimes angry toddler)... It is getting a bit better, I think she is starting to understand, but it has been hard.

 

When I saw my OB, we briefly talked about it and he said to me : "Great Job! You ae doing awesome! I myself was breastfed pasted the age of 3 and I thank my mom for that!" It felt good to hear that. So at this time, I still have no plan to wean her... I know she really needs it. I know she is proud of sharing this special time with me. I know she is proud of sharing with Phénix. I still think there are more benefits to bad side to it.